I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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