Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
