help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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