Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
