To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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