I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
