If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
