just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Someone came in the potted fern
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
