My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
