Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
