Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
