Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
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