Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
