I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
