Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
