what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
