shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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