bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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