Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize