Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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