even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
