so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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