shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
