Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
