batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
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Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
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You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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