Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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