a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
