It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
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I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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