ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
