I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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