i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
