you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
