Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
