Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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