she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 2 1 whiskey
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize