Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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