Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
