"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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