Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
