and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
