I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
