We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
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Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
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well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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