Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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