That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
