Are we in a gay sports bar?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
