She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
