im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
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Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
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I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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