Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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