There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
