clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize