She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
