I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I currently don't understand fingers.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
