If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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