I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
babies were throwing up all over the place
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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