I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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