Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
