there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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