YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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