he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
