Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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