Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
