Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
